Susan Tacent
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Indifference, or judgment

11/18/2017

 
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I. Samantha wore an apron to keep her clothes clean while doing whatever tasks Allen asked her to do. She was a good worker. Allen was happy.

II. While working Samantha pondered the shift in the wind, the heft of a particular stone, the bend in the youngest trees. She especially liked imagining ways everything in the universe might be connected. Some days she imagined she heard that very sound. Some days she imagined the taste. She was good at surprising herself. She was a good worker. Allen was happy.

III. One day, Samantha noticed something shiny peeking out from behind a cabinet. A tilt in the foundation  explained its sudden appearance. Allen's property had begun to settle. The shiny something looked like a bit of moon, if the moon were cast in silver and very tiny. She wanted a closer look but the cabinet was heavy. Samantha threw her hip into it. She was a good worker. She was good at surprising herself.

IV. The wall behind the cabinet was tiled with quarters. The coins were set in rows. Samantha counted sixty by forty. The rows were evenly set but not quite parallel to the floor. The overall look was a shield or part of a garment a knight would have worn. Samantha went from room to room. The hunt was on! She found pennies behind the rolltop desk, dimes behind the bookcase. Every coin faced forward. In the room where Allen stored old files, Samantha found nickels. She dropped to her knees and pressed her palms against them. They felt old and new, reasonable and rash. Allen came in. He wasn't happy.

V. Allen employed twenty-one people in his jigsaw puzzle company. Twenty worked in production. Samantha worked in the office. She was a good worker. All the employees wore aprons with a puzzle piece printed on the bib. Samantha’s apron was the only one with pockets.

VI. A millet seed, round as a pearl, small as a droplet, fell from the wild birdseed bag and landed in the cat’s water dish. Samantha didn’t notice until the following morning while she was getting ready for work. By then a tiny pale green nubbin poked through the cover. Samantha made a home for it in a small pot filled with new soil. In a week the plant was four inches tall. In a month it trailed happily across her kitchen table. She staked it with bamboo. The plant produced tiny yellow flowers the day Samantha discovered Allen’s hidden coins.
 
VII. Allen as an employer was generous with bonuses and predictable in his habits. Twice divorced, he had an adult son and daughter with their own families. He traveled frequently with younger women to island resorts whose names Samantha could pronounce because she made the reservations. The discovery of the hidden coins turned Allen into a puzzle. A challenging puzzle, with at least 1,000 pieces.

VIII. Frame pieces have one flat end and link up in four chains, two horizontal and two vertical, eventually connected by four corner pieces with two flat ends each. There is a feeling of satisfaction after the frame is in place, as if anything were possible. There is a feeling of unease, because now that vast empty middle has been marked out. Nothing to do then but go farther.

IX. Samantha wanted to know what this was and why and had Allen done all the collecting and measuring and assembling alone, by himself, perhaps late at night when the office was dark, or weekends when the office was empty, and what was the total amount in dollars, and the weight, the weight must be substantial, what type of adhesive had he used, did he see it was really quite beautiful, like an art installation, provocative, mysterious, maybe even a little touch of madness but the good kind where you’re finally free, and why was it hidden, was that part of the point, and what was the point? What Samantha said was, “You’re sad. Or angry. Or both. I see both on your face.” 

X. Allen. Second child to parents whose indifference was matched by their enormous financial resources. Indifference, or judgment. But how can a child fail? What set of standards and demands would two adults thrust on their offspring that so shook the child Allen’s soul? Allen’s sister married money. Allen married the family business. There was never a question that Allen would take over the puzzle factory. All that money and yet. All that power and yet. All that privilege. Allen.


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